Raichu

Erica's asleep. I'm working, but almost done. I'm bored, and it feels too quiet in here. I wish i had someone to talk to, or something i *really* felt like doing. I just don't feel like doing anything, but laying in front of the tv like a vegetable, with blankets piled on me, being quiet.

I also feel like i can't decide whether it's best for me to just sleep, or if i should stay up as long as possible. I get tired. i get to the point where i just fall asleep, but then i get so nervous and anxious that i wake up, when i probably should just sleep. But then i also think, i should be awake and do certain things, but that feeling adds to the anxiety. ::sigh:: Anyway, whatever i do feels strange. I tried to play a video game tonight, and i just quit after a few minutes, and i want to play after i work, but i also don't want to. Like i said, i just feel like watching tv, and that makes me feel weirder.

Ever know you have to do something, but you never really got to it, but then you suddenly have motivation to make you do that thing, and not just in a way that you feel you *need* to do it, but that you so wholeheartedly *want* to do it, to the point that it feels good to decide that it will be done? That's how i feel now. I want to imporve myself, and my situation in certain areas, and i'm determined to do it. I know it won't be easy, and probably not very fun, but i want to do it, for myself and others..... It will be good for me to accomplish something, even if it comes in small steps. I need this for many reasons, but i need to do something for myself. I know i'm not living up to what i can be, or deserve to be, but i will. I really will.

I feel like being a part of "society" again. Even if it is just little things online like joining some message boards, or wandering into a chat room now and then. I miss talking to some people that i used to talk to all the time. Some of you reading this may be among them. ;) I don't know, i just miss some of that contact.

I just know i need to do some things, and it feels good to at least know that there are things i want. There has been a long time where i had no idea what i wanted, and i was scared that maybe i *didn't* want anything. I had a general idea of abstract things i wanted, but wasn't sure what they really were. I want to do things for me. I want to do other things for other people. I want to treat people better than i have in the past. I don't think i've been mean, or hurtful to anyone, but maybe it's time to be extra-good to them, if that makes any sense. Certain people deserve it, and i feel like maybe i've been forgetting that, or if not forgetting, just not acting on it as much as i should have and as much as i've wanted to.

Now i really want some Pepsi. But first i've got to call in my work............

P.S.: I want a Boba Fett costume. Someone buy/make one for me.

The Force

In honor of the new Star Wars movie being out, i'd like to share a story.

When i was really little, about 5 or so years old, i had a neighbor, a nice elderly woman named Mrs. Collins. I don't know if i knew her first name or not. If i did, i don't remember it now. Mrs. Collins lived next door to me. I liked her a lot, and i used to go visit her sometimes. She would show me her music box collection, and she had a lot of them. I liked those a lot, too.

When she passed away, i went to her wake. Her daughter was there, and she pulled me aside and told me that Mrs. Collins had put me in her will, and that i would be allowed to pick any of the music boxes from her collection to have as my own. I picked one that had a little magnetic baby owl, that spun and danced to the music, and went by its mother owl, rubbing a wing along her belly, before making another trip around the music box. There were bigger, and i'm sure, more valuable music boxes in her collection, but that's the one i really wanted. It was my favorite.

Anyway, here is the part of the story relevant to Star Wars: Mrs. Collins once told me that she was the "step-grandmother" of Mark Hamill, and you all should know who that is. Again, i remember being about 4 or 5... this would have been 1979 or '80 or so... and she told me about Mr. Hamill being in a car accident, and that there were going to be nine Star Wars movies total, one of which would be called "Revenge of the Jedi", and that the first three would be in the middle of the series, the second three would be the beginning, and the last three would be the ending. She also told me that the movies would come in sets of three: three years being between each movie in the set of three, and nine years between each set. Of course, the timing of the movies wasn't totally correct, but the original name of "Return of the Jedi" was, and the number and order of the movies was. It's strange to me that i was told and knew all of these things when i was five years old, way before the third movie, way WAY before Episode I, and just watching as many of the things she said came true over all of these years.

What i want wonder is: If this lady just told me things that anyone could have known fairly easily at that time, or was i privy to "inside" information at such a young age. I wonder if there is a way to find out if Mark Hamill had a "step-grandmother" or other relative named Collins. I have this memory in my head, and it gives me this special attachment to Star Wars, but i want to know if everything i remember was true, or if this was just some lady telling stories to a little kid.

If anyone happens to know, i'd be grateful for the information. ;) Thanks.

Carrots are Orange.

I don't think this qualifies as a Sci-Fi World exhibit, because apparently it's not unusual, but this article says that purple carrots will begin to be grown, again, in the UK. The weird part of that is that aupposedly, PURPLE carrots are normal, and ORANGE carrots are weird. Okay.

Not only will purple carrots be grown, but so will black, white, black AND white, red, yellow, green, and rainbow-colored carrots will be, too. (What, no blue?)

Don't believe me? Look at a pic:
http://i.cnn.net/cnn/2002/WORLD/europe/05/16/carrots.purple/story.carrot.jpg


And here's the rest of the article:
http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/europe/05/16/carrots.purple/index.html